Bill Payne: Music

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about your favorite TV show!

I was watching Jerry Springer just the other afternoon
two grown men were fighting when one of the shot the moon
at the audience - they yelled and screamed for more
yeah, the audience - they wanted to see him score
a big punch on the kisser of the man who stole his wif
ran off with his dog and three of his kids, good thing he didn't have a knife
and then they showed the woman - the object of his affection
good God almighty I can't believe a man could ever get and erection
lookin' at that
she was bigger than a house
lookin' at that
she had eyes kinda like a mouse
if ugly were illegal, they'd throw away the key
thank you, Jerry Springer
for sharing all that with me

(chorus - "Jerry, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry")

Well, the next thing that happened, after the station break
three minutes of commercials showing lawyers on the take
well, she flashed me
I nearly fell off my stool
yeah, she flashed me, and they were breakin' all the rules
'cause the censor pushed the button the edited out the sound
but not the picture of this woman, who weighed 400 pounds
and then she showed me and the whole world, on cable TV
a whole lotta wrinkles and a big tattoo
I'm busted, you caught me
lookin' at that
I think her navel was winkin'
lookin' at that
I couldn't keep from thinkin'
that, if ugly were illegal, they'd surely throw away the key
thank you, Jerry Springer, for sharing all that with me

(chorus - "Jerry, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry")